Hrm.
It's me again.
After so long.
It's been a really busy week.
Spent the weekend in KL with my grandparents.
Pray people pray.
My grandpa is sick. And the skies are grey where they hang over him.
He's weakening. Slowly and painfully.

So much so that his weak karma spreaded to me.
I fell sick too. Fever and flu.
It really really is bad, the situation.
I hope for my brother's sake that he'll be strong enough to last the year.
My trust is in God.

Hrm that aside, I just came back from Centro.
SMU bash so it seems.
Music was alright. The Dj had issues, spinning crappy house music when the crowd was there
and then R & B when the crowd was starting to die down; and then some.
Oh well. Danced quite a bit. Fuz Tim and Fang.
Sweetness. Fang was in the organizing committee.
Sweet. SOME hot chicks. Many Fat chicks. A hand full of poseurs.
Lotsa sweat. -lol-
Not too bad. For $15 bucks. I'd say it was OKAY la.

Went for supper after. Prata and mee goreng.
Yes yes at 3 am cause I had a light dinner.
Oh speaking of which it was rather lovely my dinner!
Had Scandinavian food with a friend of mine. ( At Wheelock place)
Her company was just sweet. She really made me see a lighter side to life.
Hope to see more of her before I leave.
(And I"m sorry for spraining your fingers and scaring you! I needed to defend myself from tumbling down the escalator!)
-laughs-

Anyway. 4 goons sleeping in my room now.
I think I shall join then.
In the mean time. Take care all. God Bless.

To mei: -Hugs- I is back in action! Maro is sooooooooooo cute!
To J.o: You will be missed. Take care over there aight!
To Huiling: at this rate we will never meet up!

Happy Chinky New Year all.
I hope you all ate your fill during reunion dinner.
I know that I sure packed on the kilos since I came back.
And it's going to get even more during the next few days.
My ass is going to be huge! HUGE i tell ya! HUGEEE!!

Anyway i was watching Robbie Williams "live" concert today.
And i just looked in awe and he sang to a massive crowd.
Like fuck loads of people!!
And I was thinking, how amazing if would be you were somehow able
to get up onto that stage
and face all them people.
And just close your eyes.
And let them adore you.
As if you were someone who felt so wanted.
So special.
-lol-

Bah. What a dream.

Oh well.
Peace out.

Hear me
As I wonder
About the temptings of my life
And little by little
With a moment
With my eyes close
A gathering of thoughts
I roam free.

A sip of life
Of pain
Of lonliness and
disdain
An anchored heart
On dry ground
A seeking love
But no ones around

No one's around.

I miss her.
I miss her smell.

I miss waking up with her.
I miss looking at her when she sleeps.
I miss stroking her face.


I am sad.

But, she will never know I guess.
Cause this is what she wanted.
And she is happy.

Another day. A different time.
Sat. One day after friday. One day beore Sunday.

Don't really know what to say right now.
Just the usual routine of waking up, having lunch and buggering off to thomson for my usual dosage of games games games.

Oh actually. I did meet up with Kellin today. Some last minute plannings there.
She's good. Attachment's taking a toll on her body though.
She's lost so much weight again. And she's really got nothing she can afford to lose anymore.
One day, she might just disappear. -poof- Imagine.

Was at Boon's place after. Someone was unexpectedly there.
Odd I guess that he aptly greeted me with a, "Wassup bro."
I just don't accept the way he's changed.
I can't.
And I won't.
Or maybe sometimes somethings are just meant to be.
How fragile friendship is. How weak.
As Shakespear wrote in King Lear, "Oh ! the difference of man and man"

Anyhow, had a talk with Boon.
Was just telling about his dream.
And his dream within a dream within a reality kinda thing.
Complicated eh.
That he dreams that he's dreaming, and in his dream he wake's up and does things and suddenly he wakes up again.
Freaked him at first. But he finally got used to it.

And so here's another useless thought of the day.
Conditioning.
It's funny how we loosely use the phrase, "Oh well, I guess he's used to it"
Don't you think that it's amazinig how we can condition ourselves?
That when we experience something, our mind takes it all in.
Memorizes it and learns to recognize the particular thing.
E.g Tim gets a static shock. He becomes afraid. He knows he might get a static shock again.
He becomes more cautious.
Reminds me of the dog example that my teacher told me in Biology class in secondary.
Eg. When it's meal time, master rings bell, dog responses. After a while, even when it's not meal time master rings the bell, dog slivates and responses.
Okay. So maybe there is a difference.
In Boon's case he learns to be more cautious when opening doors.
His stimulant is his experience with the shock from static when opening doors.
As for the dog, the bell is it's stimulant. He doesn't learn. It acknowledges. It hears, it reacts. Simple.
But in a sense, both become conditioned.
And no Boon. You ain't a dog.

Bah. One more useless thought.
Reality.
Boon was talking about his dreams and all. And death.
And I was telling him about me.
And how sometimes I feel that the world encloses around you.
And you wonder how you have become you.
No no, not the upbringing kinda lovey dovey shit.
But how your mind was already there in the first place.
As in sometimes, you look at your palms and you ask yourself.
Is this really me? Am I really here?
If i took cracked open my head and placed it in a jar
What would I see, what would I feel. Would it feel the same?
(but then i guess we have eyes ears and erectile tissues for a purpose!)
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go.
Oh this is me. Cool. -lol-

Aight. Shall stop my rantings here. It's only 2am. Still early. The night's young.
And I guess...It's gaming time.

Oh if you're really fucking bored. Check this out.
http://www.buttafly.com/originals/friendster3.php

Haii.
Woke up super late today.
Got a bad habit of turning my body clock upside down.
-shrug-

Anyway, was out with j.o
Went to town to look for her tennis shorts but ended up buying two tops and a handphone cover.
Apparently the one she got from ebay was a fake! albeit, she got cheated. -lol-
Silly old j.o
She's a real sweet girl who picked me up from my place in her cool white mini jeep that looks so sexy when she's in it!
-lol-
2hours was short. But definitely well spent! she's a girl who knows what she wants! And what she wants she definitely gets.

J.o dropped me off at thomson after,for my daily dosage of GunBound and CS.
(not forgetting the StarBucks greentea frap and NTUC 3 for 1 bread after 7pm and KFC)

Now. I'm just chilling out at home. With some music. And my heart.

Tomorrow's another story i guess. Yea. That's it.

Story.

And steph. How come you didn't get my email!!!

I'm back.
After less than 3 days on the highs seas
the fun's finally over.

Had a great time I must say. The food. The company. The laughter. The farts. The gamblings (no more bets, no more bets)
The ah mas and ah gongs. The Raymond and Dawn look alike. The Dominic D'Souza. The friendship.
During the nights I had time to do some reflection on deck.
The stillness of the night.
The wind in your face.
The silence.
The beauty.
And no one to stop you.

No one. And that was what I felt. No one.
Emptiness again.
And I was sad.

Even now. I still am.
I don't know why.
It's like you're running and running and running.
You think all's fine when suddenly a truck comes out and hits you.

And you stumble and fall again.
And as time passes. You learn to pick yourself up.
And run. Again.

It's a painful process. Really.
It is.

Aight.
Da boys and I will be away for a couple of days.
Will be back Sunday.
We is going on the high seas.
-Ahooooooooooooy matey!-

To J.o. Welcome home.
-hugs-

-Weeee-
There's a hot chick on the plane from the states on da way home.

Indeed the men are already rejoicing.

A friend.
What is a friend?

Today. I was totally disappointed with a friend of mine.
But then again, do i really still treat him as one?

I'm writing, with a frown on my face.
For some weird reason i'm feeling..in a whatever mood.

Have you ever thought how farewells have evolved over the years?
From Adieu, to farewell, to bye, to see you later, to see you later, online.
Yes.
See you later online.
Bah. Useless thought of the day I guess.

Many say people change.
That Change is the only constant.
Feelings, emotions, physical aspects.
What about time? When people say the changes with time.
But time, isn't it constant? (in a sense) where we work on a 24Hrs basis.
A second, a minute and an hour.
In it's true meaning or collective group, doesn't really change does it?
A hundred years ago a second was still a second, though one might be inclined to think that at that time, calculating time was indeed an arduous task. And yet ten years later a second is still second.
Do we change with time?
What is time?
Maybe time is something that isn't real.
Maybe everyday is the same day.
Just that things are placed differently.
That when we awake, the things that we do are preprogrammed.
And the things that we have done are just memory inputs to make us believe that we have done them.
And the dreams that we dream make us believe that we are doing them.
And that it is a brand new day. A different day. A new date. A different hour. A different season.
But it actually is the same day.
The same photo frame but with a different picture.

Aiyar, whatever la. I'm writing bullshit cause I have nothing else to write.

I'm just feeling shitty.

I guess i have a tendancy to stay up late, and blog late as well.

T'was my mum's birthday today.
The celebration was kept simple; dinner and a cake, with family of course.

Went to watch Mona Lisa Smile with Boon, Fuz, Sal and Angela there after.
It was alright la. Nothing impressive, nothing new.
In all honesty it was rather draggy. It could have ended much earlier. Much much earlier.
(But then it wouldn't be worth $8.50 would it?)

The show ended around 230.
Hung around outside Great World for awhile.
To fool around.
Boon poking Sal, Sal poking Boon.
Fuz poking Angela, Angela chasing Fuz.
Boon chasing Fuz, Fuz whacking Boon.
Fuz's flying kick and farting. -lol-
As for me.
I suddenly felt so lonely again.
I looked up and saw the skies.
And for once, i took notice of the stars in our Singapore skies.
And I felt happy; only for a moment.
And I realised that I wished I shared it with someone.
Because even after a month, though time does and eventually will heal,
My wound still hurts.
Like Frodo's stab wound.
Sometimes I still break.

But afterall, I am only human.

To mei: my heart weeps for the loss of your grandmother but my prayers carry her soul to heaven.
If you need me, I'll always be here for you.

-sigh-
I lost my cool.
Over a game.
Over GunBound.
Lost 5 straight games in a row.

Don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
I never used to be like that.
I never lost my cool over a game before.
I need to take a rain check on that.
I need to control my angst.

Thanks Boon.

And sorry.

Bye Steph.

You'll be missed.

Especially by me.

Aight.
It's new year's day. 2004 so to speak.
It's also 630 in the morning and i just came out from the shower.
-blink-

Stayed home most of the day.
Had a superb steam boat dinner with my family and aunties.

Hung out with the boys after. (minus kumar)
Went down to CHIJMES after picking me up.
Spent like 20mins there. And had a quick and abrupt "Happy New Year" then we buggered off.
After debating on where to go for quite some time, we finally ended up at The Poolitix
after erasing the idea of hopping down to The eXtreme.
Played an hour of pool before realising that we were hungry and headed down to usual prata shop,
Not before finding out we had a flat tyre cause some mutha ()#*!&@!*(#$^!! probably slashed the tyre.
The worse thing was that we couldn't find the spare untill like 15 mins and by the time we did, the machanic arrived and charged
us freaking $50 to replace the tyre when we could have done it ourselves!!!
(take note, if you drive a Honda Stream 2.0L. The spare is Under the car at the rear.)

So anyway, here I am back home, after a rather pleasant day.
Thinking about stuff as usual, while fuz is happily snoring on the bed next to me.

She'll be leaving at 5pm today. She said she'll call me sometime in the afternoon. But i personally don't think she will.
Someone also told me to hold back my feelings for now and not to tell her.
Somehow, I guess she's right.
We might be fated, but the time's just not right.
And no, she's not a rebound.
I have so much to tell her and so many things to say to her.
Yet, as fate would have it, she was never meant to be mine. -depressed-

Anyway, it's time to wake fuz up. He's on duty today. So that means he has Friday off!
Superb la! GB, here we come!