I miss being wanted.
Being wanted for me.

Ah fuck.
I can't sleep anymore. Been awake since 6 am, and that's after sleeping at 2am.
Just seems like my body isn't well adjusted to the change in timing yet. Odd really.
It's only a two hour difference..-grumbles-
Well woke up with a lousy feeling. Really really lousy feeling. -sighs-
Just simply recalling the previous days events sent my head swirling around. I know one other person who's in the same situation as me. Just bloody annoying really.
***

Well she didn't make it through to the second round. But she IS good. And will always be, no matter what anyone says.

Sigh. I'm home.
Life is good yes? Yes?
-shrugs-
I guess we'll see.

Urm.
Hello.
Flying home in a few hours.
If anyone is interested..
call me..98380072
SHOULD be activated by the time I get back. Should be la...
-muacks-

Why did they have to behead him..why?
What's wrong with humanity?
It sickens me. It really does.

Listenin to Beyond -yea- it's cantonese-
Feeling somewhat -bleah-

It's not clear why, I mean afterall, my exams are over.
It's almost been a year for me since arriving in Australia.
Things have definitely not been as good as I would have like them to be. The year started out with me flying back earlier and more frquent than expected. Once was for Easter and the other was for well, my grandpa's funeral. I've always thought about what if i didn't go back for Easter. I wouldn't have seen my grandpa then. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise..maybe.

And then there was the emotional -me- being all screwed up. I guess it got really bad when the house suddenly became really really quiet, when the guy housemate went back home, when..when so many things. It was waking up to the lonliness feeling and falling asleep to that same feeling that drove me mad. Wasn't the most exciting thing really. And then there was the missing-of-my-grandpa-feeling. I never truly expressed my sadness when I went back for the funeral. I just didn't cry. I couldn't. I didn't want to. And it all escalated and exploded in me when I came back to Australia. I really couldn't find anyone to talk too and constant calls back to Singapore drove phone bills sky high and made certain people annoyed.

And then I thought there this -one- person who would try listen to me. But I guess I forget that sometimes people would rather do their own things and not want anyone to interfer or "intrude" into their personal space. Maybe that person did try to listen to me. That person definitely made many of my days and did keep me going whenever I was down. But that feeling has recently been inhibited over the past weeks. I guess it's really hard for me to understand it all.. But hey, i'm still learning. No one's perfect.

Listening to Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
Reminds me of..Kate. MWhaha. You guys must be wondering who Kate is. Well she was my cousin's (the cousin who lives in Australia) good friend till some shit happen a few years back. She lives in Adelaide (Yes she's Australian Duh). I've heard that they're now friends again. It's definitely good to hear that. The reason why this song reminds me of her is cause we used to email each other heaps. And then she travelled somewhere and it all stopped...or we ran out of things to email about...or we got sick of each other..or both!! MWhaha. One of her favourite songs was Mayonaise as well. How coincidental is that? -smile- Oh well, where ever you are Kate, I hope life is treating you well.

Man my sematic and episdomic memories are definitely serving me well. MWhawha! Anyhow, I guess I'm finally seeing life differently now. And yes, at 22. It's late I know but hey, we've gotta start somewhere right? I'm learning to appreciate it more. To cherish the things and people that are in my life. To love everything I have and appreciate the things that I don't have.

"You're in the basement watching the TV, I'm on the second floor watching the ceiling, we sleep underneath under the same big sky at night, and dream the same dream that we can fly." - Chantel Kreviazuk (In this Life)

Forgive my rantings. I'm just suddenly in the mood to scribble down all my random thoughts. *Listening to the cure now - Friday I'm in love* I want to be that happy me again. Yea. I think I shall aim to do that. Time to get some warmth back into this house. The coldness is giving my heart frost bite. Like the what the New Radicals say, "You get what give"

"Like a fool, I keep thinking something's gonna change." - Patty Smyth and Don Henley (Sometime's Love Just ain't enough)

5 more days!! Weeeeeeee.
Sweet is the thought of home coming.

Many things to be excited about.
Wedding, friends, family, food, humdity..
hrmm..
Just wanna be home..

6 more days babe!!

It just occured to me...
In two weeks time, my brother is going to get married! At 26!!
-smile-
I'm so happy for Carol and you .
God is definitely with the both of ya.

Last paper on Monday.
Can't wait to pack.

Home is missed...like the humidity which forces me to shower 4 times a day.

7 more days.

8 more days.

9 more days.

10 more days.
Someone help me.
before i die.

1 down.
2 to go.
3 days to assignment dude...OMG...

11 fucking days till i come home babe!!!!!!

2 more days to exams.
5 more days till my assignment is due. (SOMEONE HELP!!!)
8 more days to see if i stay in this house or not.
13 more days till i come home.

The life.
It is in a mess.