Along the road I encountered a diversion.

I didn't think of her before I fell asleep last night. I thought of another.
I didn't think of her when I awoke. I thought of another.

But as it is. It will remain a dream. Something I can personally smile about and
yet,
be sad about.

Sometimes I wish more was done.
Sometimes I wish I said yes.

But that's the past right? No regrets. Or are there?

"Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

And I wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
And I wanna be there when you hit the ground

So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
About the things caught in my mind

And I wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
And I wanna be there when you hit the ground

So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Me and you what's going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right

So Don't Go Away "

Aye.
Monday.
Couple of more days to the new year.
It's amazing how time flies
And also how things change so fast.

Change is the only constant as cliche as it sounds.

Anyway, spent the night at veron's place.
Steph was there.
The three of use, no matter how long we've been apart
still click so well. It's really awesome.

I never realised friendship could be so patient and so enduring.
And i never realised something (a certain kinda feeling) growing inside of me.
But I guess, it's better if I keep it all hush hush now.

It was good catching up on old times. Good laughing so freely without any worries.
It was good enjoying each others company without anybody to bother us.

It was really something just seeing each other again.

Tonight's plan has been cancelled though.
Was suppose to savour some ice wine over at Veron's place (which was changed to my place)
But Veron's mum's taken ill.
Calvin's busy with his cousin's car and ryan won't come over without calvin.
Steph is. Well.. She's asleep. -pat- And a well deserved rest. Considering the fact that she didn't have time to recover from her jet lag
and she crashed over at Verons. She's really something ehz.

Oh well. We'll see how tomorrow goes then.

-smiles-

Bonne nuit.

Finally met steph after one over year.

It was a really good feeling.

It's what, almost six am.

I just finished GunBounding with Tim.

I think everyone is hooked onto it now. -evil smile-
Tim, Fazil, Kumar, Sal and Angela even.
Ha! [UOB] is offically revived. The GB way of course.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've actually appreciated my life.
My friends. Especially to the boys. (Fuz and Tim to be more specific)
How can I ever thank you guys enough?
For all my whining and bitching and depression, you were always there for me.
For the movie watching, the prata munching and late night LAN raves.
For taking time to stay over when I secretly needed to be with people but told no one.
You guys kept me alive.

To j.o aka jamba. I guess God does have His little plans. Thanks for keeping me sane and away from trouble and stupidity.
Even thought you're so far away, it seems like only yesterday that we were kids, so carefree and innocent playing at Normanton.
Come home to your chinky homies here soon! -lol-

To mei. -HUGS- What more can I say? You always take my mind off things. Always.

I think I feel slightly better now.
With the months/ years to come. Maybe I'll become me again.

For now, I'll just keep reminding myself not to lose my childish innocence. -griN-

Oh and steph should be back today. I think. -ponders-

To her.
You know who you are.

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe

And happy belated birthday.
I didn't forget.

Simple love was there to wait
And took I did without question or debate
Fostered by an emotion that ran within
I closed my eyes and savoured loves beam

Time passed and two years on
The Angels harp stopped playing our song
A heart was changed and a passion died
A heart was stopped
The Angels cried


The Angel is still crying in pain.

So it seems the weather has it's own agenda.
The monsoon has arrived.
And along with the rain came my emotions of yesterday.

Somehow, pesudo happiness is all I know.
It's trying to prevent others from being depressed because you are depressed that makes it so hard.
You feel so hurt and yet
You try and hide the truth from everyone,
especially your family,
because you don't want them to hurt with you.

She has read my wrath.
But she knows not the pain I suffer silently with my tears that fall from my
pain embedded eyes
Late at night.

She said that she suffered pain, for about half the time when she was with me.
And that she is going through the pain now.
But all I see, if her happiness with someone else.
The joy, the "love", the understanding we had.
Is now ALL about someone else.
I guess, I should be happy for her. Right?

But how can I find it when it has been stolen me?

I went to sing karaok today. (KBOX)
My second time in many many years.
(The only reason why I went for this session was cause it was kef's bdae)

Didn't sing much.
Just a couple.
Sang one song half way.
Why?
Cause halfway through it i started crying. -lol-

Jay Chou - Hei Se You Mo

I just felt so sad singing (yes i can actually sing) that song.


Maybe you will call me strange. Say I'm stupid and things like that.
Heck I even think she really hates me after my out burst the other day.
But you know, as stupid as it may seem.

I miss her.

And I can safely say that I did really love her once.
And no, no matter what I wrote and said that night on my blog, I can never bring myself to hate her. Why? Cause I'm just not made like that. I am not like that.

Anyway thanks bro for the night. And yes, i had fun. Lots of it.
Happy Birthday to you bro.

"Hung up here on a web of comfort.
Taking off with nowhere to go.
Standing tall with but your new cloak armor.
Making out like it's all been done.
It's harder than it seems.
You slip but never fall.
They'll take you, when you wont come back to me.
Tearing down what we built up so well.
Layin low as you came my way.
Look alive with your head on backwards, goin off when there's nothin wrong.
It's only in your dreams, but it felt like it was real.
They'll take you, when you won't come back to me.
Hang loose, my friend dont walk away from me,
because i really think you're cool.
Is it worth turning back despite these open hands?
You're tearing me apart.
They'll take you, when you won't come back to me.
(you need to find yourself)"

Jimmy Eat World - Seventeen

OMG I HOPE YOU BOTH FUCKING DIE OF LUNG CANCER.

GOD FORGIVE ME.
BUT I CAN'T TAKE HER BULLSHIT AND MOTHER FUCKING LIES ANYMORE.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG TO DESERVE ALL THIS SHIT?

SHE ONLY TWO TIMED WHEN SHE WAS 14? HAHAHA? FUCK THAT SHIT.
SHE WANTS TO HELP ME GET THROUGH MY PAIN? FUCK THAT.
SHE KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH? GO FUCK YOURSELF.
SHE UNDERSTANDS THE AMOUNT OF PAIN I AM FEELING?WHAT LIES.
ALL LIES.

ALL LIES.
FROM DAY ONE.
AND THAT SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING CHEEBAI CUNT HEAD. I HOPE YOUR DICK DROPS OFF. MAY YOU TWO BURN IN HELL AND YOUR SOULS NEVER RETURN.
HAPPY FUCKING EACH OTHERS BRAINS OUT.

FUCK YOU TWO.

I HOPE YOU READ THIS. AND TELL THAT MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING ASSHOLE.
I HOPE HE COMES AND FIND ME.

I DARE YOU TO COME AND FIND ME.

-Nod-
It's been a couple of weeks since i've arrived back in sunny Singapore.
Most of it has been spent hanging with my bros.
Most of it has been spent LANNING with my bros.
Some of it with my beloved family
A bit of it with God. (Not enough)

My heart is still raw. Tender. Broken. Devastated.
Everyday I tell myself, fuck it. Fuck it. She's not worth it.
But I can't run from my emotions.
I run and I run but they chase after me tirelessly as if meaning to stigmatize my whole emotional being, forever.
I fall. And there I am thrown back into the morbidness of my self, of my weaker side, I stumble and I slip back into my own patheticness.
My own foolishness.
My heart's incurable pain.
(Love)

As for her. She's a happy woman (as her friendster says). Should I deny her this happiness by throwing myself into a rage of fury and bad mouth her every being as well as her new other half? Should I pity her and reason with myself that everything she said was the gospel truth? Should I dip my tounge in the bitter taste of angst before savouring the sweetness of it or should I keep on running and running and screaming like a mad man up a moutain full of emotions trying to find an outlet and finally crash when i reach the end?
She doesn't know what I'm feeling.
She doesn't care.
She's got him.
And he's got her.
I don't expect her to.
And that's what's hurting.
Knowing that someone you cared for so much suddenly doesn't give a shit about you anymore.

Anymore.

I need a life.

" Spinning, laughing, dancing to
Her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
That comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone "

Norah Jones - Seven years

"Jesus, lover of my soul."

What is love.

The only love i believe in now is from God.

God is Love.

I just woke up.
And I cried.
I'm an emotional freak.
But I just can't control what I feel.
I feel so angry, so sad and so useless.

So much pain.

So much so that my heart often stops whenever I think, of them.

Of her.

Seeing her again was so comforting and yet so incredibly diffcult.

When I heard those words.

I just died.

I'm so fed up.
And i'm so down.

The news was worse than I thought.
I thought i was strong.



But I am not.

It's been a couple days or so that i've been back.

Listening to Ja rule and Ashanti now - Mesmerize

Sitting at home with nothing to do. Bored. What is bordem?
Sometimes I think I complain too much though I'm home now.
I don't know, I guess these past few days have been rather trying for me.

To sort out my life, my mind and my emotions.
Was over at Veron's house the other night and I watched this movie called Love And Sex.
Nothing much really. Or maybe I just was too numb to feel anything. Yea I guess i was.

Was out with Kellin and Veron and Iyn yesterday. Met up with Kellin first for lunch and then a movie and then after met up with Veron and Iyn. It was really good meeting them after such a long time. It was just talk talk talk and more talk. Nothing's better than just chilling away from the crowd and the problems in life and just trying to relax. Yea. Relax.

Relax. Something I haven't done in a long while.

Well, I'm pretty darn free nowadays. So like if anyone wants to ask me out. Just hollar.
I'm using my SingTel line again so yea.

Okay. So i lied. I'm back home much earlier than the expected date. Who cares anyway?

I remember that someone taught me a lesson on intuition.
This time I had an intuition. And I wasn't wrong.
And at least I know that she's really happy without me.


Damn. I'm really home.

I dreamt of her last night.
After that i just couldn't go back to sleep.
It was so real.
The way she held my hand and the way she put her head on my lap when she was tired,
And the way I placed my arms around her waist to comfort her.

I woke up crying.

It's been over a week now, and I'm still trying to psyc myself into believing that everything is over.
No phone call from her.
No ICQ messages (cause i'm probably on her invisible list on icq even though she says she can't remember putting me on it)
No MSN messages (reasons same as above)
No emails cause she says there are no interesting ones lately.

I really don't know. She's probably having a great time without me in her life anymore. Her new friends her new life, her new found freedom, maybe, just MAYBE a new found love? But it's all speculation and anyway, I'm suppose to be happy that she's happy right? No matter what right?

Right?



4 more fucking days.

It's funny how when there are so many things on your mind you just can't sleep.
I slept at 2am last night and woke up at 5am.
It's uncanny how I never was able to do this during normal school days.
I guess it's just how we're wired up emotionally, mentally and physically.

I woke up missing her. You know, the times when you wake up next to someone you really love and just feel so comfortable. Yea, that kinda feeling. That nuanced feeling.


Oh well, I guess that's all passe now.


6 more days.

I woke up today and said to myself, "Fuck it."
I don't know, I guess it comes to a certain point in time when you actually give yourself a kick in the butt and go, hey, life has more to this than losing someone you love.
I still have to live life.
Sure. The pain still eats you. The thought of her ever being with someone else stabs you in the foot but, fuck, all will be well. It has to be. Because you have friends, family and most importantly, you always have God. With Him, nothing matters anymore. And I believe the only person one should die for is Him. And Him alone.


7 more days.

"She got out of town
On a railway, New York bound
Took all except my name
Another alien out on Broadway
Some things in this world you just can't change
Some things you can't see until it gets too late

Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
Then you should turn yourself around and come on home"

I guess at this very moment in my life. Everything seems so sudden and everything seems so surreal. In a life time that seemed to last forever, it has ended in a single moment. All I can say is that I don't hold any grudges or any form of hate in me. All I have is a very real pain and a better understanding of how this was meant to be. How she was meant to be. I want to thank her for teaching me to be a better person, to be more patient with others and to listen not only with my ears but to listen with my heart as well. I will certainly miss her. And I definitely still love her with my every being. To whoever has that luxury of winning her heart in time to come..

Please keep in mind some things.

1) Don't call her Thumbs, she hates that, and never say that she's slow.

2) Always tell her the truth and never lie to her.

3) Never snap at her when you find it hard to reason with her/disagree with her. Always be patient.

4) After you kiss her gently on her lips, rub your nose against her nose. It makes her feel warm inside.

5) Even though she doesn't openly show her concern, it doesn't mean she loves or cares for you less. She still does.

6) Never be jealous if she wants to meet her guy friend on a one on one date and say it's okay if the guy sends her home.

7) Never make her cry, it's the worst thing you can ever do to her.

8) Constantly give her hugs and call them "huggie wuggies"

9) After she showers, she likes her hair to be wiped for her with her towel, after doing so, take a wiff and always remember how beautiful she smells.

10) When you express the words, I love you to her, always mean it. And give her your all.

11) When you go out with her, never make a fuss about the way she wants to hold your hand.

12) Always buy red pearl milk tea for her when you can, and don't steal her bubbles along the way.

13) She loves her tom yam soup. Her favourite is Thai Yin. And be prepared to adds lots of chilli for her and buy a cup of Thai Iced tea as well.

14) When she's lying on her bed, massage her back, especially her neck, because that's where she likes it the most.

15) Remember, her favourite colour is blue. And she does not like anything with too much chocolate.

16) Write poems for her, one a day for the everyday that you spend together.

17) Always change your dressing when you go out with her, and never wear berms on her birthday.

18) Leave her Godpa alone, even though he may not like you and doesn't approve of you, take no hostile action and love her the way your heart would tell you to.

19) When she is asleep, look at her, take a moment and realise that you've fallen in love with a really beautiful person. Stroke her face.

20) Be positive. And always look forward to a new day with her in your arms.

21) When she's feeling under the weather, make an impression of Yoda. -HRMM- That always makes her laugh.

22) When you hug her from behind, put your palm on her belly and feel her comfort.

Stop to think of what you have missed, slivers of your life like before the silvering of
your hair
Close your eyes, take a deep breath
What do you feel? I smell life in its nuanced smells,
Think about your life and what you should be doing today
I love my life for not what it should or what it was but for what it is
Think about where you want to be today. A carpe diem.

In stygian nights
I do write these words
That stray into verses
From letters to stanzas
From stanzas poetry
Wherein my mind drifts away
On an ocean full of neglected thoughts
In a frigate where words are fought.

As they flow from West to East
Paralled with each heart beat
I sought for more rythm
Before this safehouse is sunk

I have died.
From what I have cried.
For what?
I am not too sure now.
These finger tips tastes every hour that
Slip through these uncertainties.
I have died.
From what I have cried.
What I thought could be
But was never real; and could never be.
I have died.

La di dum.
This sucks.
I have/ can't post pics.
-grumble-

We all need a little promting from God sometimes.
Know that He is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient.
I love God.
I know He loves me too.
Sometimes, we have to let go of the past.
The past that haunts us everytime .
You got to be strong. Have faith and most importantly,
Pray.
Because with God. your burdens are lightened, not gone.
With God, You can pull through these burdens.
With God, anything is possible.

-Chill all.

It's late.
I haven't posted something this late in a long while.
But i just needed to start writing. About what i have no clue.
I just needed to escape to some place where i could let my mind wonder off into a distant place.
I miss God.
It's funny how it is.
You look at the world.
You study economics, finance, accounting and you see how the world works that way.
You study, get a degree, get a job and then maybe get married.
But there must be more to life than that right?
I've always felt an emptiness inside of me.
Of late it's grown bigger and this void is slowing consuming my whole being.
I don't know why. I just know that God is there, to guide us along the way to what we have to accomplish.
He gives us choices.
He gives us strength to do the things we do.
He gives us life.
And yet sometimes i cannot find the scent of Him.
It seems to hide from me. Or just me hiding from it. Hiding from Him.
I'm afraid of Him. Yet i know that He is merciful and loving.
I see the world and all it's amazing things. And then I see the pain of the world.
A world devoid of Love. A world where we shed each others blood, where we divide ourselves in race, religion and language.
A world where there is so much potential but we misuse them.
Often before i sleep at night i think about God.
I try to seek Him out.
I try to listen for Him.
But i fail.
I fall from grace because i give up.
Because i get tired easily and don't pray at night.
Because of the things i do and the things i say.
Because for every lie that i speak i drive the nail in his palms deeper.
For every curse i use i am cursed ten fold.
God Is Love.
But do we really believe that?
Do the Chirstians and Catholics around the world truly understand why they Love God?
I know I don't. And yet i have that yearning to find out.
That for every blessing i have God is there.
My family.
My friends.
My life.
Life.
All life comes from Him.
I know it.
There's more in my life and something i have to do for Him.
I'm just not too sure what it is.
My heart beats for Him.
It yearns for an answer.
I guess i have to just keep listening.
Listening for God.

-Blink-
I is back from me trip.
It's amazing how one week passes by so fast when you're on holidays.
And even more amazing how work piles up when you don't even go to school.

Anyway i must admit i did have a great time in Adelaide.
It's wasn't as wild as i'd thought it would be but i found time to enjoy and appreciate some things.
The weather for one was excellent. Cool. Well fucking cold actually.
And i didn't bring any sweater so yea...go figure the rest.

I met up with my aunt and uncle on seperate occassions.
They're alright. Divorced now and each having their own bf/gf respectiviely.
-shrugs- Don't ask me. I was just there to have fun.

My cousins. Well. They're alright. Manage to meet their friends and all.
I must say they're (cousins) pretty independent people now.
One's 21 and the others 16. Both doing their own thang.
The elder one's got her own place. Neat. Hell yea especially when you pay only $50 bucks rent a week.
The younger one stays at her mum's but mum isn't at home most of the time you see..
So yea, it's pretty much her place..

Had a party on Friday. Got really pissed. Like totally fucking pissed.
Had like 6 lemon archers. Downed erm..too many glasses of red wine...
Some Smirnoff and what do you get? -smug- Moii talking crap.
Well. Come'on. Everyone was wasted that night. But it was good fun yea.
No orgies or dope or shit like that. Just good clean fun.
R&B was blasted, some Hip-Hop some alternative and some dance.
Awesome shit really......

Ah vell. So here I am back in good'ol brissie.
It's school tomorrow so fuck that.
Other than the thought of exams and assignments and shit like that..
It's good to be back...

I've got internet access again...
Porn here I come.





Just kidding about the porn.

Heading down to Adelaide for a week for those of you who've forgotton!

Chill ya'll.

-Sigh-
Sometimes in life.
You wonder.
What is your purpose.
Who are you suppose to please and how do you actually live life?
What is the correct way to live life?
I don't know really.
I don't have all the answers to all or any actually.
I'm only so far in life...which isn't very far if you come to think about it.
Sometimes people forget that you love someone so much
Sometimes people take others for granted..
Thinking that they'll always be there...
But we are often worng.
And it's so sad.
So much can happen in a day.
Yet there's so little time to express everything.
In words. In thoughts. In writings.
Sometimes we regret the things we have done.
And mess up the things we ought to do.
And at other times. We don't bother about anything.
Till it's too late.
My heart is heavy.
I'll be flying off to Adelaide on Sunday morning and it's suppose to be a fun trip.
But of late, back home, shit has hit the fan.
And it smells pretty bad.
So that enthusiasm that i've had has dwindled.
My heart is heavy.
And i am sad.
But life has to go one right?

Right?

Ho ho ho.
What a fucking joke.
I passed my accounting paper.
I actually got 32/50.
-shrug-
Like I said..."The Lord Works In Mysterious ways."

Read my last rights
Before I am born
Nothing seems innocent anymore
Look mama look how I fall

Separate myself from reality
As I hit the ground
And scream myself to death
Salvage cannot be found

Burn this house down
My lips became profound
Usage of words
Turned upside down

Ears on the telephone
Rape my senses
Through a cordless hinge
The numbers and pretenses

Break me from myself
I sink in selfish wealth
All of my everything is gone
Nothing can come between

Hello. No one can heard me
Because no words are coming out
I become choked of air
And drown in self despair

I did the most amazing thing ever.
I completed my Accounting project.
In one day.
-blink-

Hey ya'll..
It's certainly been a while since i last updated.
Just finished my exams this week...
Well..I guess you can say that it wasn't too bad...cept for one..-grumbles-
Anyway this is the last week of school before the Mid-Semester break.
I'll be flying to Adelaide to chill with my cousin whom I haven't seen for three years..
Hopefully it'll be a good trip to allow me to relax and unwind...
Talking about unwinding...please don't kill yourself while skateboarding ember..-bish-


I've been thinking about home lots of late. Things are going pretty okay except for some minor complains here and there about people..
As for my grandparents..really miss them much. Both have been sick of late and I feel really uneasy about it. I do fear the worse because they're really really getting old and they've suffered health set backs these past few months...-sigh-

Oh well..just pray for the best i guess. When you gotta go, y ou gotta go. =/

Chill all.

I am so fucked for my Accts.
Actually, fucked is an understatement.

Why did i take Accts again?
If i can get 10 out of 50 it'll be a miracle.

So help me God.
My calculator was worthless.

This is Love.

Down with the heat! Down with the heat!

"Oh how lovely spring is...
The birds chirping..
Flowers blooming...
Insects crawling all over..."

But seriously, fuck spring.

For those of you who have this notion that spring is oh-so-lovely think again.
I was walking home from school today and i got a tann. Yes. During spring.
A bloody tann. And all this weather change happened over night.
It's like still cool during the day on one day and suddenly the next day a whole new season of weather hits you smack right in the face.
-Wails- I want winter back. I want the cold nights where i can sleep and not complain.
I want the days where i have cold air blowing in my face instead of hot, like scorching hot, wind blowing at me.
Yes i whine. But with a good cause too. I got sun burned. O_o

Anyway, i've been hanging out with this indian guy whom i've met recently.
And like what the fuck man. He's like a walking hormone. He's like hey look at that chick. Look at her boobs.
"Look at her Butt."
"They don't like to wear bras"
"They have nice tits"
"Do you know that in newspapers they have sex services"
"I wonder what it's like to get laid by an ang moh"
Like oh gawd...He's 27 and is gonna get married. He's engaged and he's behaving like a sex retard who's never seen ang mohs with huge ba-dang-dangs before. What's more shocking is that I hang out with him. =/ Well it's not like I can help it yo. I'm in the same Math lecture as him and in the same econs tuitorial as him. So that dude is like unavoidable. I tried. Believe me i tried to break off but i've been sucked in by some hairy indian power. -shakes head-

-sniff-
Oh well.
Aight.
Gonna shower and rush out for a movie.
I think it's Pirates of the Carribean:Curse of the Black pearl.


Chill ya'll.

-blink-
I'm awake! Well...halfway there.
I actually slept for more than 12 hours. -gasp-
And i seriously need to get down to studying some serious shit soon.
-heaves a sigh-
Anyway i've been reading peoples blogs and it's that period again where everyone's in that
totally depressed mood. It seems to me like since getting themselves attached or something equivalent makes people stumble and fall over tha emotions that blow into their faces. I would've thought that one might have expected relationships to be thus and not some sweet fairy tale that always turns out perfect.
It's really disturbing i guess. But right now. I just can't seem to bring myself to actually worry about that cause i've got other stuff to worry about like my papers coming up. Somehow i find it a good therapy to keep oneself occuppied when one is in distress. But then again that's the problem with guys. We're not in the face when it comes to emotions and try to prolong the after effects of it. Where else in the case of girls. They handle it there and then. Yet sometimes, it just kills them and silently eats them up. Like ember, she does express it outwardly in her blogs and all but whatever is eating her is really eating her so much. It's hard to say what exactly it is cause only she will understand what she's going through. -pat- .....hey wait a minute why am i even talking about relationships here?

School's in three hours time. Long day today. I finish at 6pm. I missed dinner yesterday so i guess i'll prolly be eating quite substantially later on. But then again who cares. After all i'm already used to the fact that i only eat one meal a day. Oh well.

I just can't wait for this month to end. I is flying down to Adelaide for a holiday. Cousin there is prolly going to take me around and stuff like that. Just hope she doesn't crash her car when i'm in it. =x

Aye. The book so far is really good.
Nothing like a little Mother Confessor and Richard Cypher to entertain you.
Alas The week of exams have begun.
A dark cloud looms over Sir Fred Schonell
And the races prowl with watchful eyes over those who flicker
Magic webs around fragile fingers
And fear wraps around every timid peasant.
The task is arduous but not impossible.
One question begets another.
And so it hath begun.

Bah. I'm so fulla shit.
It's only mid semester exams. -fart-

Just hope everything turns out well.
And babuey, please get well soon.
I miss you so much.

Eating shit was taken to a whole new level....

I couldn't resist. And i got the book.
Hoorah.
I have something to read.
To keep me alive.
-griN-

Aye good morning.
As i type this half of you who actually bother to read this would prolly still be asleep.
What am I doing up so early you might ask.
Why am i even up at such an unusual time for someone like me...
Well that's cause I didn't sleep.
Yep. You heard me right, I didn't sleep.
I just find it such a waste of time.
And time I have not.

I have a lecture in an hour and I guess it's like the first of many which i actully endeavour to go for.
If i wasn't i'd prolly stone at home like a mangled cadaver. -ouch-

Anyway i just had sultana brand ceral oh and with rasins too.
Nice especially with cold milk.
A tasty breakfast for me.

Later in the afternoon there's a squash session planned.
My housemates organized it i think..and they dragged my ass along..
BUT being me i'd prolly just sit one side and pretend to be ignorant of what the hell's going on...
But hey t hen again i am rather ignorant of many things...
Bah. I guess i'd check the martial arts dojo. I do believe they have a Judo training session going on at around 6pm.
It'd certainly be interesting to see what the standard is..
I'm thinking it's good cause apparently the Sensi is a Kodokan trained Judoka...-impressed-

Yesh.
Anyway.

I'm gonna get ready for school.
Have a fantastic day ya'll.
And enjoy. Cause the weekend's here.


The morning sun is up you see
But I slept
It did not wait for me

It nudged me with prodding beams
But I hid my head under blankets and dreams

I reckoned I’d awake in time
To blend in to Life’s rhetoric rhymes

-Cracks fingers-
Again it's late. Like fucking late to be exact.
I didn't really have a choice tonight because i just had to do my accounts practice.
Actually, it was amusingly fun yet oddly confusing....an erratic concoction of what happens when you don't do tuitorials on time.
-sighs- Now i've gotta get solutions from my teacher. -bugger-

Hrmm...as of now i'm feeling kinda...i don't know really.
It's just that feeling when you get when you're all alone...
No not depression nor nostalgia...i fucking can't put a finger on it...
But yeah it's definitely some kinda feeling....
Maybe something that i'll not be able to fathom untill a while...
But if/when i do i'll let people know...

Painful progress is what I'm making in trying to lighten the burden of exams..
That's one reason why i'm up late as well...but then again since when the hell have i ever slept early?
The only thing that keeps me from becoming a mental nutcase is the thought of me flying home at the end of the year...
That i think is the ultimate motivation...the yearning to wanna be with people whom you truly cherish and love
It fucking keeps me alive.

Oh and to Spice. In my opinion..
The best thing you can give to anyone is Trust. With Trust you are able to give Time, freely. With Time and Trust you enhance the ability to endure each others imperfection and accept each others simplicities which in return cultivates something called Love. With Trust, Time and that something called Love, you become more confident with yourself and the people around you and thus become able to nature the emotions and expressions that eventually spawn the feeling of Love. Love without feeling is just a word......

But then again what the fuck do i know...i'm stoned and horny..


Ah well.
Time to sleep.

God bless ya' all.

Dear whoever reads this,
it's come to my attention that i have three mid semester exams.
Not two. But three. Yes it's snowballed. Worried I am for the fact that I didn't realise i had three.
Worried I am for the fact that I've been in school barely a month and i have 3 exams to cope with.
Like WHAT THE FUCK.
What is stress. Stress is when you look at your work piling up on top of projects and on top of mid semesters. Not final exams but mid semesters. Stress is when you realise you have 2 weeks till your first paper and you haven't started shit.
Panic is when you open your text and realise you don't recognize shit.
Fuck up is when you go for tuitorials and you don't know shit.
But thank God i'm only one of the above.
Figuring out which catagory i fall into is your job.


Went to the River Festival on Sat.
Basically it was fire works fireworks fireworks display.
But nothing as good as what we have back in SIngapore.
I must say that Singapore doesnt spare any expenses when it comes to National day fireworks.
Well done Singie. And people think Singlish is our first language. Well done Singie again.
Yay.

Spiders. When you think of them do you make a face...squirm?
Well what if you had to live with them. Yep
That's this little house i'm in now. Spiders spiders galore.
And some can be sooo tiny and yet some can be as wide as your palm.
So yeah go figure. But i guess as long as they dun bug me i'll be fine.


Anyway my gf's gone for a three day chalet.
That means no talking to her for three days.
-sigh-

-depressed i am-

And well.
Happy Birthday to Blackz. 21 he is, finally.
After all i guess he is still a friend.
And we've been through enough.
Though tides change dude, you do know where true friends are.

Congrats to DrAkE on the job.
Decent money for now.
Happy o Sal cause her darlings' employed.
Chill fuz. What's done is done.
As for me.

I'm gonna sleep.
Yeah.
At 1pm.

Then i'm gonna wake up...
and hopefully get down to mugging...

toodles.

Dreaming my precious hours away
In a far off memory where we used to play
When winds blew smiles onto our faces
And fingers entwined in sweet embraces

Dreaming my precious hours away
In simple pleasures
A whisper
A kiss
A hug
And nostalgic feelings that lasted all day.

Who dreams their precious hours away
Or drown in love that’s gone astray
Where is that memory we played in
That perfect love was only a dream.

It's an early night today.
Or so it seems...
School was shit boring as usual...
Accounting Lecture is getting more and more complicated in terms of information and application...God Bless me.
Went to catch a movie today:Buffalo Soldiers - If you've been keepin tabs, i have been watching movies more often then when i'm back in Singapore...apart from the cheap ticket price of $6 (yes, weep people..weep) there's really nothing else to do...
The show was urm, interesting if i might say so. Have a watch yo.
Finding Nemo is just coming out here tomorrow...how pathetic...then again they do have many loserish Australian movies so what the hell..

Mars was suppose to be it's brightest today and though i rave about the many bright and sparkling stars here in Aussie, Mars was somewhere out there over the picket fences and vineyards hidden behind the orange grove and no where to be seen...sad ain't it.
Ah vell, as the saying goes, you win some you lose some. In this case i just lost oh lemme see...another few million years till the next time an amzing phenomenon like this happens..sigh.

It was unusually cold for a spring day today. Been trying to think of ways to get that metabolism of mine going and nothing seems to be attracting my interest except for: Judo. I've been thinking of it lots these past few days. I don't know why...I'm really excited at the possibility of continuing my judo again and whilst my body's all geared up to start slamming and getting slammed again, my shoulder's saying waaaait a minute...
Hrm I guess i'll just be doing Kata and no randori for me.
-deep sigh-

Oh well i guess it's late..
Exams are nearing...
Leaves are growing...
And this lil'chink's heading straight to bed...
Or something like that...

Ahh Fuck it..
I don't give a shit already...

"When all hope is gone, when you feel that your life is coming to an end, take a deep breadth, relax, enjoy the moment and wank."

It's 330am now.
Quiet as usual.
Everyone's asleep except me again.
My eyes are strained from staring at the computer for too long..
And my back aches from the awkward position that i'm sitting in..
I realise that the weeks pass by rather fast when i'm here..
Though morbid and uninteresting they pass quickly..
I guess that's good considering the fact that I look forward to going home..
And bad cause that means my exams are drawing nearer...
School after a month is still rather the same..
No new friends, if any at all...
And lessons and assignments come and go as each day passes...
Hrmm..and i realise that i haven't gone for any Economics lecture thus far..
Fuck.

Oh i need to cut my hair.
It's starting to look like Liam Gallagher 's hair...
-messes hair-

I honestly don't see what's the problem though..
Hrmmmmm....

Ah vell.

Time to sleep.
Finally.

Oh wait...do pray that DrAkE gets a job soon.
Cause i'm still waiting for him to fulfill his promise to fly up here to visit me.

Right then, time to flee to my quiet little place


In this quiet little place
I can't remember having known a different pace
In this quiet little place
I can surrender to the beauty of its face

In this quiet little place
You run your fingers through my hair and whisper "Hey"
And no matter how I try
I can't seem to think of anything better to say

Quiet Little Place by K's Choice

And photograph your hidden place
Would I find you smiling in the picture
I don't know what you want
Because you don't know,
So what's the point of asking
You're almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts
Far too many ways to go
We learn so much but never know
Where to look
Or when we should stop looking
I can love the whole of you.

Almost Happy by K's Choice

The time now is 0510am.
Odd hours i do sleep indeed.
But I just can't help it..a bad habit it is.
Anyway nothing much happened today.
Woke up late and missed my Mircoeconomics lecture as normal.
Rushed down for my tuitorial and did my test which i think i'm gonan flunk...-mutters-
Went to meet my cousin at Queen's St. Or Town as one would call it here.
Haven't seen her in a while but well she's pretty much the same. Well maybe just slightly slimer. SLIGHTLY.
Went to catch a movie with my housemates there after: The Italian Job.
It's the usual thief kinda flick but Charliez Theron did sizzle up the screen with her great bod as usual...
-griN-

yea...well..
I just looked through MSNBC as well and found some articles with regards to the War in Iraq, It did get me going...
All that stuff bla bla bla and well i decided to write a little something...


Many wars have been fought throughout different generations; freedom, greed, racial discrimination, religious discrimination so on and so forth. The reasons are many and so are those who have sacrificed themselves for whatever or/and whoever they believed in. In my dumbass opinion, a war is like the economics of man’s insatiable power and righteousness. There will always be the supply of war and the demand of war. And yes, there certainly is a price to pay for war. Be it actual capital that we’re talking about and most talked about or simply the lost of lives. We could even call these lives depreciation value; physical capital which wear out over a period of time. After all these soldiers who barge their way into another’s country cost money and so does whatever ammunition, clothing and other war necessity which they require. There is no profit made and indeed the opportunity cost of war would certainly amount to that of titanic proportions.

It's just an introduction to a slightly longer essay of bullshit.

Tell me what you think. If it's shit just say so.

I don't care really.

Time to sleep.
TIme is 0517am.

The Sun's coming up soon.

-YAWN-
it's 315am now.
Just finished with my Math and my Econs revision.
It's unbelievable i tell you.
Just about a month into school and already my exams are coming up.
I guess i'm a little worried cause it's certainly been a while since i last cramped so much information in such a short time...
I just hope that i do good..

Anyway, newsflash..
Yep, Pauline Hanson is in jail!
YAY! To hell with racism and the One Nation Party.
Fuck that shit really.
Apparently she's been convicted of mis-using funds..
And she's still got one more trial with regards to the actual number of supporters that actually backed her One Nation Idea..
She did lie....
What do we do with liars? Burn them burn them burn them to hell!

Anyway, good on DrAkE for ORDing...waking up time i guess now that NS is over..time to decide what to do in life...
Mr Fat Bastard good on ya for scoring try after try! You already sound pro! -sniggers-
As for Mr MIA. I guess he's leading the life now. New gf all....just don't fucking forget us.

Yea. That's about it. Sleep time.
Miss you all terribly.

-SigH-

Chill.

Peace out.


This time it's on my own.
Minutes from somewhere else.
Somewhere I made a wish with Lucky Denver Mint.
Hurry go on ahead.
Good things won't let you wait.
I'll catch up when we get home.
At home I'll leave.
A dollar under water keeps on dreaming for me.
You're not bigger than this, not better.
Why can't you learn.


Lucky Denver Mint by Jimmy Eat World

Sigh
I nearly got hit by a car today. again.



Only this time i was looking for an airplane in the sky...

-stretch-
Sup`people.
Just got back from Accts lecture.
Topic of the day: Budgeting for financial planning.
Wasn't all that bad. The lecturer was rather interesting. China made too.
Anyway, saw lots of wildlife in school today, again.
I'm begining to really think that the campus was previously a Zoo.
There are like sooo many Ducks/Turkeys/Turkey look-alikes etc etc etc...
Gosh! And if you actually bother to sit near benches where they gather they'd actually swaddle towards you for food.
Orrr even as you walk along the path way which leads to another place you'd see ducks sitting along the edge of the pathways and when you're walking towards them they get up instantly and walk towards you like they're expecting you to feed them...what if i killed one of them instead and made duck rice...Hrmmm.... -contemplates-

Anyway, it was cold today. And i wore slippers. So my toes were like tingling and all.
Couldn't really feel them while i was walking home...was afraid that some of them would fall off as well...
-checks and counts- well, they're all still there...
Oh and i nearly got ran over by a Jeep today; they have many jeeps in Brisbane and i nearly got ran over by one of the big ones...
Why?...cause i was looking at stars...yes. Star dreaming you might call it. But i couldn't help it really. The sky here has so many blinking stars! It's like really bad dandruff on black hair =x

But yea, well..i guess i'll try not to look up too much. Might get killed one day O_o

Anyway, i'm like blasting music at this moment. EMO

It's in my blood.

Chill guys.

Peace out.

Yuck.
Who ever knew that the first thing that you eat for the day can turn out so bad...
I bought two spring rolls today after school...
Ya know it was suppose to be chow time so i decided to eat light today....
Instead of enjoying the meal i ended up forcing myself to stomach two fucking salt rolls...
I was like what the fuck!...If you think salt water is salty wait till you try UQ's very own refect "Spring rolls"
Honestly i do believe that the people who made it actually pissed in it...thus adding to da flavour...
Well yea...
I ate both of it...



Afterall, who else on Earth would buy two puny spring rolls for A$5.70


Springrolls oh Springrolls
what are they stuffing you

It is 0611am now.
Yet again i ought to be sleeping
But i've been doing econs for the past few hours..
Distractions in the form of hunger and visitors have slowed me down...
Did i mention Hunger did cause quite a stirr too...
Most of the work is done though..
Less one more question which i shall conquer later in the day...
It's the 17th today..
My anniversary; 2years and 2months to be exact..
I should be in Singapore celebrating with my babuey but alas..
I am far away from home...I miss you love.
I will be back soon...wait for me.
It also means that I have been away from home for about a month now...
Settled I am suppose to be..
But somehow I'm still trying to place my feet on the ground...
Friends are still few and far between
And the work is starting to pile...
Tests this week...two infact..both on economics...dreadful.
It rained for a good part of the day today...
And more or less i expect it to rain later on as well...
It's good i guess..cooling off the noon day heat........

Rain makes me think of...Ember. My sister.
How her sadness bites her heart like how winter cracks the lips of people...
And how no one understands how she feels like how no one will truly understand the victims of rape...
The raping of the heart...
The nakedness, sadness and confusion...
But eventually the rain has to make way for the sun..
And eventually all will be well again....
A Revival of emotions. Of hope. And of all the many M&M's alike that you will meet...
And you better start eating again.....and proper meals too.

It's 0628 now.
The Sun's up.
Chirping can be heard..
Vehicles can be seen...
A taste of a brand new day..
New hope....
New expericences...

Fuck that.

Time to sleep.

It's 330am now.
It's a little chilly..
I should be sleeping by it's too quiet.
None of the usual bickering between my brothers can be heard..
The usual nagging of my mum is also amiss...
Strangely it's almost surreal..
But it is real..
The weather's slightly warmer than previous weeks..
During the day of course..
Springs' coming soon.
The winds have taken a toll on my skin making it dry..
My soles are worn out from the constant walking to and fro from school..
My mind's clouded from the lectures and tuitorials that seem like blabber and gibberish to me..
Listening to The Promise Ring now...sweet.
Manage to finally download a Jejune song...
Hialeah / Solar / Same to You
EMO is sweet poetry.

The kids are all swimming in shallow ponds. I'm neck deep in ashes of broken dreams. I burn for you and drown in you so wait, turnaround, and stay. now your eyes stray from me. I fell from grace. I'm weighted and sinking and washed away.

Morale is low by Jejune

I'm just home now.
School was for an hour today.
Morning class so the afternoon's pretty free.
Suppose to be studying but I just can't get myself down to work...
Been listening to EMO lots. Music that speaks to me...
Yeah that's me..I let the songs do the talking for me...
Different tunes at different times of the day for a different me...
Right now...i'm just in a..whatever man..that kinda mood...i guess i've been thinking about stuff lots lately...
Maybe i'll head down to school and take pictures of turkey's that roam freely around campus...
-shrug-


Drown yourself in bread and coffee
Fast forward right through the news
We spend weeks just window shopping
What else can we really do?
We could be anybody

Every time you take the water
We are too afraid to smile
Our faces turn transparent paper glass after a while
We see everybody


It's a long distraction between our satisfactions
Any good time should be just rolling by
Now the bees are indicators
Maybe we should go outside.
A fire drill keeps humming
There are floods that change the tide
There's one day for everybody

We are pairs of apple lions
Starved for clothes that we could wear
Long strings of double lookers
Easy listeners everywhere
We could be anybody

It's a long distraction between our satisfactions
Any good time should be just rolling by
We keep a graveyard of ships sunk in glass
The silverware is buried out back
It's a long distraction between our better actions
Any good time should be just rolling by

Bread and Coffee by The Promise Ring

Tis a lazy afternoon....

-Giddy-
Yesh i just came home from clubbing not too long ago.
It was at this place called DOME. It was like a UQ/QUT combined party kinda shit.
Not too bad i guess. They spinned retro/techno and some R&B.
The crowd was pretty much almost all Singaporeans la (URgH)
As usual, lamers/poseurs/those who can't dance/and those Ricky Martin wannabies...
Anyway, something unusual happened today.
I got picked up by some.....-drum roll please- GUY!!!
OH MY LORD!
Yeah i was like shooting pool with my friend when he just came over to me held my hand and went,'So which balls are you playing."
LIke BLOODY HELL!!!!! And of course i declined politely. (-throws up-)
Yeah..man...I feel i got the Teck Boon Bug. But hey..i don't look gay....do i?


Anyway i got my 18+ card done as well.
It's some identity shit which you use to prove that you're 18 and above..
So that clubs dun bug you about any identification and you don't have to carry your passport along.
Well...it should have been an easy thing to do but there was this one bitch who wouldn't listen to what i have to say and we nearly ended up arguing. Thank God for another lady who was nicer though, she agreed to process my application and i got my 18+card.
-Yipppeee-


YAwn. yeah time to sleep.

see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
No one cares.
I wanna be so much more than this.
Good goodbye lovely time.
Good goodbye tin sunshine.
Good goodbye I'll be fine.
Good goodbye, good goodnight.

My sundown by Jimmy Eat World

Clip art had a whole new meaning..

Hrmm. Nothing much today.
Just went to this place called Indooroopilly (pronounced In-drew-pilly) to get a belt.
I bought a new pair of Billabong jeans see, and it's kinda huge for me. So yea, I got myself a belt.
A red one too. Came home and slept after that. Nothing exciting really. -yawn-


My new belt was over polished...

What’s wrong baby, don’t they treat you like they should?
Did you take ’em for it?
Every penny that you could?
We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things then only to pretend.
Don’t you know I’m thinkin’, drivin’ 405 past midnight.
You know I miss you.
Don’t you know that I miss you?
Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night.
I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you:
your whisper, your smile.
Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide.
If you don’t don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain’t that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there’s so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we’ll be smarter.
And I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.
If you don’t don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight?
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, need this.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t
And if you don’t well, honey, then you don’t
If you don’t know, honey, honey, then you don’t.

If You don't don't by Jimmy Eat World

Yep. I watched American Pie 3: The American Wedding today.
It was absolutely hilarious! 0_o
And I swear Stiffler was the main character of the show! -WHoooO-
Too bad you guys gotta download it back home. =x
Pretty much about it my Sunday.
Oh i did a bit of grocery shopping as well. Churned up slightly more than $50 worth of meat/veggies and whatever you can think off.
But hey, i share the grub with two other housemates so i guess it's not really that much, right?

Oh well, gotta sleep.
Another week of school tomorrow. But thank goodness for the Wed public holiday. It's a life saver!

Chill ya'll!


This coming Tuesday night's entertainment...


Perks of joining a lameass society club...

Wassup people.
First of all Happy National Day to one and all.
Nope i am not becoming over zealous about men in uniform marching and the PAP but you know, serving National Service does make you look back and think before making any unwanted judgemental remarks about our homeland like fuck national service and all that kinda crap...Oops times up. Fuck National Service.

Anyway, went for a party today, yes yes a NATIONAL DAY party, but what the hell. I was invited by no other than -drum roll please- CHOY MAY..yep, the one and only CHOY MAY. All thanks to Mr Fazil Musa too cause he gave her my number and she actually bothered to call. -impressed- Well yea, it wasn't a very happening party but she did endeavour to help me expand my social circle in Brissy but ha! i guess it did fail miserably. -rolls eyes- What's new. Really i aint' the social animal my brother is but i guess i'll manage when the time comes...when it comes..if it comes..at all. Oh..i did get to know this guy called Mark who's doing his final semester here and he happened to be in the SSS...Singapore Student Society...(a lameass jackshit club which i happen to be in as well by the way) and it so happen that there was a party at this place called Auroras as well. So yea getting back to friendly old Mark..he offered me a ride..(Not that kinda ride you're thinking of Fazz and Tim) cause he was one of the council fuckhead members and was on his way. So i oblidged. Yay. Money saved. <---Okay that sounded reaally gay? -shudders-

Ya. So i ended up at Auroras, by myself...cause my housemates TUAed me. They argued you see. So neither of them decided they wanted to tag along. It was a dinner, pretty okay place. Good dance club but the damn food sucked. $25 gone down the drain. Lame ass food with lovely Singaporean poseurs/hongster sauce to finish the night. Yep. What a dinner.

Yeah that's pretty much how my day went by...
Oh and Mark did mention that he and another friend do play touch rugby during the weekends as well. How about that?

-YAWN- Gotta sleep now...
Miss you guys heaps and heaps. Wish you were all here to enjoy/be sad together with me.

Chill.

Hrmm..
I miss everyone.
Fuck.
I think the night does get to me.
It's when it's quiet and all that my mind listens to the silent whispers.
I miss I miss...
So much emotion yet so little expressions.

-bugger-

I am feeling very depressed right now.
I don't know why.

I just am.

Hi folks.
Well nothing much today.
Just to let the whole world know that I swallowed a mosquitoe today.
How did i do that..well..i was talking to my friend...and it fucking flew in.
And er..i swallowed it.
Yep.
That's the most interesting thing that has happened in my life since i stepped foot on Brissy.
Wonder what the hell is gonna fly in next...hrmm..

To ember. Who's hurting like hell. Well. Whatever it is, let it go.
Just be strong for yourself. And remember, though you still don't believe. God is there for YOU.

To my babuey. I miss you heaps. Like tonnes and tonnes. Everything I do reminds me of you.
I wish you were here.

To my brothers/Bruddas...quit wanking so much...

You crash and burn
Like those around you
The feelings stuck
Those you know mock you
Justifiying what you think
What you feel
Emotions raging
Every move
In what you do
My palms are sweaty
They don't give a fuck shit about me
I'm out in the world
Oh damn I don't think I'm ready
I can't sleep
Eat or shit
My mind's in trance
In this loneliness pit
Outraged is day
To which I sleep away
And wake when the suns gone down
In night where I hide my shadow's frown
No conviction to what I feel
My loneliness
Cheating's no thrill
Not an option either
No such thing as should I should I not fuck her
That's all bullshit
You made a promise
To that one you better keep
Dont't be no horny rabbit prick
28 times and still going with it's dick, in one day.
My feet are cold
In this blistering world
On this stage where I'm whining like a girl
But fuck it just fuck this play
Fuck the muthafuckers who drift to gay
Be good be bad you have a choice
Listen to pussies or an inner voice
Oh shit my loneliness is eatin me within
Fucking up my insides and insercurity I'm in
Cry swear or bitch
Do what I feel
And to those loser who put me and ma bruddas down
Go fuck yourselves
This time make it for real

Haii...
Almost 5am and I cannot sleep.
Well.
Whats new.
It's aussie.
Miss home much.
Yes yes i whine lots but i miss home.
Orientation was yesterday.
It started much earlier than it was suppose too.
And i miss lots too. But what the heck.
The second half of it was so boring i fell asleep.
And...urm yeah it's boring.
Books here well text books are like fucking expensive.
Get this. I bought 3 text books today.
And All in all it cost me..-drum roll- A$260
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN.
It's like the damn government here doesn't care about education.
It's like there is ZERO subsidy for this kinda shit.
Really really pissed me off.
Hell even the medical bills here are ridiculously high.
Man. It really blows.
Sigh. And well...cars here are cheap. Oh petrol too. But the catch is that parking is FUCKING KILLER.
For one hour...you can pay a minimium of....-DRUM ROLL- A$9 It's like O_o

Ah bugger it. I'm gonna be here for 3 years...better make the best of it.

Hrmm..oh and i went to this place called Milton today.
Had coffee there.
Went with my house mate and some of her friends.
Okay people la. Can't say much about them yet cause I just met them. I guess only time will tell.
Anyway the place has really nice coffee. Italian style. Nice.
Bad thing though it made me think of home...hanging out with my buds and my bros all.
Sigh.
A little depressing. =/
And you know. Aussie has an amazing sky. It's like littered with stars. It's like walking into an open air Disco with all the shimmering lights shining straight at you. It's beautiful. So mesmerizing ah! . It really shames the Singapore sky.

I miss my babuey.
She's prolly sleeping now.
It's really tough being so far away from her.
Especially since we spent most of our 2 years together.
Being physically there for each other played a great part in our relationship.
I really miss her.
Nothing like waking up and smelling her. -sniff...it's so empty here-
I guess we'll have to slowly get use to it. it's tough but we'll both have to try.
-HUG BABUEY- Wish i could watch you sleeping now. -SigHs-
I love her so much.

This midnight calmness which thou doth dream
Like hidden expressions of peacful gleams
Keeps thee warmth and free from sin
Angelic voices doth whisper to thee a midnight sonnet
In fluffy clouds beside they bed
Soft hands are laid over thy head
With blessings and prayers intimate
Sleep then in love and serenity
And dream a dream of we.


Anyway. Do be careful ya all.
I really miss every one heaps.
-MUACKERS-

Hey people.
Wassup.
Yes I AM alive.
Let's see..righ now it's 3am in the morning
Cold as hell and my feet are freezing.
Everyone's asleep
And i'm all alone in the room tyoing this.
It's nice yes the weather.
But i guess i have never thought what it was really like to actually stay for 3 years.
Right now things aren't so bad. Cause mum's here.
But it'll hit me when she goes home.
-SIGh-
So far, i got my comp up. That's a good thing.
Bed's coming in a few days time.
So is my table...
and my chair..which i sent back cause you can't fit the fucking rollers at the base..
believe me i tried...sitting on it..pushing it in..even fucking hammering the darn thing..
but it didn't work..so i sent it back...
Oh and i got to eat at this place called Fireworx.
It rocks. If and when you do come to Brissie...do drop by.
Or better still, call me.
I miss ya all!!!

And i especially miss my family.
And my babuey.

I love you all.

To my baby, whose love is great and whose heart beats in rythm with mine.
For evey tear shed, for every smile and for every single moment we spent together. You are the best.


To my brothers in flesh and in blood: Thanks for taking all my shit these few years. I'm gonna miss you both much. Take care of things, Family and also Charmaine. My heart always dwells with you both.



To my brothers: Tim,Fazil and Kumar. In heart/mind/soul. May we always be friends and more importanly the Union Of Bastards as long
as we share the same air in this world.







To the rest of whom i didn't mention or forgot, well that's cause you don't read my blog anyway. But..I'll miss you all much. May God Watch over you all. -HUGS- Miss me!

Peace ya'll.
Gotta fly.

Watched Smallville tonight.
Man it was freaky. Imagine someone else being you.
Acting and speaking like you. Having every feature exactly the same.
And prolly wanking the same way as you do too. Hrmm..
Anyway, the one thing I did learn was that no matter
what you pretend to be or do you can never force anyone to love you.
Love is a natural thing. No pretense so to speak.
And no, it's not all about the monEh and certainly not all about the dum-di-dum-dum.
It's about heart. How much heart you have. And I realise that family is the center of this heart.
When you have heart. You have love.
And you better believe it.
Love does make the world go round.

Anyhow. I dreamt of something freaky last night too.
i dreamt that my plane exploded in mid air.
Actually it kinda disintegrated.
And it was actually all taking place in slow motion.
Honestly I've come to believe that when we all die...
That particular moment..especially when you know you're going to die...
Actually seems to last forever..
Yea. It was like a timeless dream.
Screaming, tears, parts falling off and pieces of flesh ripping off from your frozen face...
Unstoppable. Uncontrollable.
So real....

But what the fuck.
I'm here blogging so that's a good thing.
Urm.

Well..
On a lighter note,
I got my eVisa approved final-fuckingly.
And urm my exit permit approved too, in like 5 mins. Online. TODAY. (Hail the Singapore efficiency)
Oo and my brother gave me a dinner treat. -YummY-


And yea.
48Hrs till i fly....

And I haven't started fucking packing yet.

The song that could always speak to me.
__________________________________________



Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June

We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream

And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad

When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins

Sup ya'll.
It's insane the way I sacrifice sleep to bitch about my life.

Anyhow, I bought a new "computer" today.
Well actually I bought parts from Sim Lim Sq.
I'm gonna take all them parts and assemble them when i get to Aussie.
Ha! A Pentium4 2.4Ghz processor with a MSI mother board and 512 memory card!
Yippie!
All in all it only cost me about a thousand bucks.
That my friends is cheaper than an already assembled Desk Top.
-bows- Technology. Gotta love it people.

The evening was mostly spent at the airport.
DrAkE was leaving for his Thailand detachment
and since he wouldn't have had been able to sent me off to Aussie
I decided to see him off instead.
Sure hope he'll be fine on the airplane.
And urm not come back with any genital disease not STD.



Hrmm, certainly had a fun time at the airport.
Fats, DrAkE, Sal and I basically just chilled at Starbucks
for the rest of the morning till DrAkE needed to board his flight.
I'm really gonna miss the Bugger. =/



And as I walked through the viewing gallery it suddenly occured to me
that in a couple of days time people would be seeing me off.
And I was sad.

-sigh-

My fucking student eVisa isn't even ready yet.
Heh.
So much for kangaroo efficency.
______________________________________________________

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared?
In the years to co-ome
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regret

Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Oh don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
In a year from no-ow
Maybe we’ll see eachother,
standing on the same street corner,
no regrets

Each and every end is always
written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I’d make this last

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
but don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I’ll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye
but don’t you cry
‘cause true love –never- dies

S club 7- Say Goodbye

The past two days have been great.
It certainly did take my mind off the thought of leaving for a bit.
And it allowed me to spend time with a few good friends of mine....

Dinner was fantastic last night.
There were nine of us (Tim, Fuz, Fang, Sal, Claud, Jo, Billie,Yvone and ME!)
We were suppose to head down to Swenson's at Crown Prince Hotel but
there was another group of nine (coincidentally) before us
thus ending up at MARCHE's instead (HMV one).
It was really gOod food. Good fun.
Forgot it was NON HALA though.
Urm. But Fuz did eat his fill.
Had coffee after at Mr Bean's and yea
I guess it was a nice way to end the night.
_____________________________________________________________

As for today. Didn't do anything much.
Rushed down to Plaza Singapura to have lunch with my old friend.
Apparently we were suppose to meet but I forgot..till she called me and reminded me.
Lunch was alright.
Had my Green Tea Frap at Star Bucks after. Nice and smooth.
Heh, I was thinking, imagine if someone decided to copy star bucks and coffee bean
What would the coffee be called? Star Beans? Coffee Bucks? -shurgs-
Just a thought ya.
Anyhow, went down to play touch for the last time before I leave for Australia.
And yea, as the Fat Bastard predicted, I did score a try.
By the way it was the only try in the only game we played today mind you. -proud of self-
Ha!
Okok nuff of that.
Went to watch Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines with my folks after touch.
Boy was it good. I mean, it's got the same theme as the first two (like duh) and the story line
pretty much followed on the same way (like duh again)
Only slight twist was that Arnie was funny this time. Like really funny. Not in the insulting way such as bad acting.
But the way the script was written for his character. It was really really hilarous.
Oh and you also get introduced to Claire Danes who's a really important character as well.
And damn! Kristina Loken was one hot baddie. She really does have the goods and she packed one hella punch in the movie.

Oh fuck...I is got the shitz.

Must be the hotdogs.

Damn.

I hate dentists.
All of them.
I don't care what you white teeth freaks say.
To hell with ALL of them.

I went to the dentist today.
To get my teeth cleaned.
Simple.
But NOOOOooo, the fucker had to fucking cut my lips as well.
Not once. Twice.
And to think he's a professional.
That Chaocheebaisonofadiseasedcameldentist.
I hope his balls wrinkle and drop off.


All that, and my teeth aren't whiter.

A Reflection.
Of things accomplished
Of things yet to be accomplished
Of Love/Fortune/Family/Faith/Fame

Was awake till late last night (as usual)
Figeting about in my room and on my bed.
Never really understood what missing someone or something really was about
Till i peered out of my window and actually saw stars in our sky
And then it became apparent that if i bothered to look hard enough
There are many things that are beautiful things in this world
And many more worth appreciating.

I realise that for every single complain that I make about my family
Many more families suffer a worse fate than i do
For every person that I condemn
I am no better than a hypocrite
That for any imperfection that I fuss about
There are those who wish for simplicity in life...

Maybe I've become mad from the thought of leaving
Maybe I've suddenly become an over sensitive guy (no, not GAY)
But whatever the case is...

Do take time out to reflect once in a while
And ask yourself.

What do you really want in life
And why.

____________________________________________

Miss Jones taught me English
But I think I just shot her son
Cause he owed me money
With a bullet in the chest you cannot run
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
I guess I didn't mean it but man you shoulda seen it
His flesh explode

Slow motion see me let go
We tend to die young
Slow Motion see me let go
What a brother knows
Slow Motion see me let go

Now the cops will get me
But girl if you would let me
I'll take your pants off
I got a little bit of blow we could both get off

Later bathing in the afterglow
Two lines of coke I cut with Drano
An her nose starts to bleed
A most beautiful ruby red

Slow motion see me let go
We'll remember these days
Slow motion see me let go
Urban life decays
Slow motion see me let go

And at home
My sister's eating paint chips again
Maybe that's why she's insane
I shut the door to her moaning
And I shoot smack in my veins
Wouldn't you?
See my neighbour's beating his wife
Because he hates his life
There's an arc to his fist as he swings
Oh man what a beautiful thing
And death slides close to me
Won't grow old to be
A junkie wino creep

Hollywood glamorised my wrath
I'm a young urban psychopath
I incite murder
For your entertainment
Cuz I needed the money
What's your excuse?
The jokes on you

Slow motion see me let go
Slow motion see me let go
Slow motion see me let go
_________________________________________

Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind

I can't sleep again.
Bah. What's new really.
It's been like that like...forever?
Anyway, for those of you who don't already know, I've offically disrupted for studies.
It'll prolly need some adjusting and getting use to cause no matter how much I've bitched about work I really miss the people.
Well, urm, a few of them at least.

It's about a week till I leave.
There's a very big part of me that's excited about leaving and yet there's another part of me which wants to stay.
Like I've said, I'm really going to miss everybody. Sleeping at night has become something impossible to do with ease knowing that the hours spent sleeping could have been the hours spent with people/friends/family/love ones.
It's an emotional turmoil I'm going through.

But I guess that's life. You go on. Moving through one stage to another. Becoming more familiar with life. You suddenly have more responsibilities and priorities become re-arranged. You become more moulded into that highway of maturity, comforming to the middle aged man syndrom and the entire cenacle of life. Hrm. Sounds rather morbid eHz.



Sometimes...



"Life...oh life...Oh liiffffeeeee...oh life..." /me sings