You crash and burn
Like those around you
The feelings stuck
Those you know mock you
Justifiying what you think
What you feel
Emotions raging
Every move
In what you do
My palms are sweaty
They don't give a fuck shit about me
I'm out in the world
Oh damn I don't think I'm ready
I can't sleep
Eat or shit
My mind's in trance
In this loneliness pit
Outraged is day
To which I sleep away
And wake when the suns gone down
In night where I hide my shadow's frown
No conviction to what I feel
My loneliness
Cheating's no thrill
Not an option either
No such thing as should I should I not fuck her
That's all bullshit
You made a promise
To that one you better keep
Dont't be no horny rabbit prick
28 times and still going with it's dick, in one day.
My feet are cold
In this blistering world
On this stage where I'm whining like a girl
But fuck it just fuck this play
Fuck the muthafuckers who drift to gay
Be good be bad you have a choice
Listen to pussies or an inner voice
Oh shit my loneliness is eatin me within
Fucking up my insides and insercurity I'm in
Cry swear or bitch
Do what I feel
And to those loser who put me and ma bruddas down
Go fuck yourselves
This time make it for real

Haii...
Almost 5am and I cannot sleep.
Well.
Whats new.
It's aussie.
Miss home much.
Yes yes i whine lots but i miss home.
Orientation was yesterday.
It started much earlier than it was suppose too.
And i miss lots too. But what the heck.
The second half of it was so boring i fell asleep.
And...urm yeah it's boring.
Books here well text books are like fucking expensive.
Get this. I bought 3 text books today.
And All in all it cost me..-drum roll- A$260
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN.
It's like the damn government here doesn't care about education.
It's like there is ZERO subsidy for this kinda shit.
Really really pissed me off.
Hell even the medical bills here are ridiculously high.
Man. It really blows.
Sigh. And well...cars here are cheap. Oh petrol too. But the catch is that parking is FUCKING KILLER.
For one hour...you can pay a minimium of....-DRUM ROLL- A$9 It's like O_o

Ah bugger it. I'm gonna be here for 3 years...better make the best of it.

Hrmm..oh and i went to this place called Milton today.
Had coffee there.
Went with my house mate and some of her friends.
Okay people la. Can't say much about them yet cause I just met them. I guess only time will tell.
Anyway the place has really nice coffee. Italian style. Nice.
Bad thing though it made me think of home...hanging out with my buds and my bros all.
Sigh.
A little depressing. =/
And you know. Aussie has an amazing sky. It's like littered with stars. It's like walking into an open air Disco with all the shimmering lights shining straight at you. It's beautiful. So mesmerizing ah! . It really shames the Singapore sky.

I miss my babuey.
She's prolly sleeping now.
It's really tough being so far away from her.
Especially since we spent most of our 2 years together.
Being physically there for each other played a great part in our relationship.
I really miss her.
Nothing like waking up and smelling her. -sniff...it's so empty here-
I guess we'll have to slowly get use to it. it's tough but we'll both have to try.
-HUG BABUEY- Wish i could watch you sleeping now. -SigHs-
I love her so much.

This midnight calmness which thou doth dream
Like hidden expressions of peacful gleams
Keeps thee warmth and free from sin
Angelic voices doth whisper to thee a midnight sonnet
In fluffy clouds beside they bed
Soft hands are laid over thy head
With blessings and prayers intimate
Sleep then in love and serenity
And dream a dream of we.


Anyway. Do be careful ya all.
I really miss every one heaps.
-MUACKERS-

Hey people.
Wassup.
Yes I AM alive.
Let's see..righ now it's 3am in the morning
Cold as hell and my feet are freezing.
Everyone's asleep
And i'm all alone in the room tyoing this.
It's nice yes the weather.
But i guess i have never thought what it was really like to actually stay for 3 years.
Right now things aren't so bad. Cause mum's here.
But it'll hit me when she goes home.
-SIGh-
So far, i got my comp up. That's a good thing.
Bed's coming in a few days time.
So is my table...
and my chair..which i sent back cause you can't fit the fucking rollers at the base..
believe me i tried...sitting on it..pushing it in..even fucking hammering the darn thing..
but it didn't work..so i sent it back...
Oh and i got to eat at this place called Fireworx.
It rocks. If and when you do come to Brissie...do drop by.
Or better still, call me.
I miss ya all!!!

And i especially miss my family.
And my babuey.

I love you all.

To my baby, whose love is great and whose heart beats in rythm with mine.
For evey tear shed, for every smile and for every single moment we spent together. You are the best.


To my brothers in flesh and in blood: Thanks for taking all my shit these few years. I'm gonna miss you both much. Take care of things, Family and also Charmaine. My heart always dwells with you both.



To my brothers: Tim,Fazil and Kumar. In heart/mind/soul. May we always be friends and more importanly the Union Of Bastards as long
as we share the same air in this world.







To the rest of whom i didn't mention or forgot, well that's cause you don't read my blog anyway. But..I'll miss you all much. May God Watch over you all. -HUGS- Miss me!

Peace ya'll.
Gotta fly.

Watched Smallville tonight.
Man it was freaky. Imagine someone else being you.
Acting and speaking like you. Having every feature exactly the same.
And prolly wanking the same way as you do too. Hrmm..
Anyway, the one thing I did learn was that no matter
what you pretend to be or do you can never force anyone to love you.
Love is a natural thing. No pretense so to speak.
And no, it's not all about the monEh and certainly not all about the dum-di-dum-dum.
It's about heart. How much heart you have. And I realise that family is the center of this heart.
When you have heart. You have love.
And you better believe it.
Love does make the world go round.

Anyhow. I dreamt of something freaky last night too.
i dreamt that my plane exploded in mid air.
Actually it kinda disintegrated.
And it was actually all taking place in slow motion.
Honestly I've come to believe that when we all die...
That particular moment..especially when you know you're going to die...
Actually seems to last forever..
Yea. It was like a timeless dream.
Screaming, tears, parts falling off and pieces of flesh ripping off from your frozen face...
Unstoppable. Uncontrollable.
So real....

But what the fuck.
I'm here blogging so that's a good thing.
Urm.

Well..
On a lighter note,
I got my eVisa approved final-fuckingly.
And urm my exit permit approved too, in like 5 mins. Online. TODAY. (Hail the Singapore efficiency)
Oo and my brother gave me a dinner treat. -YummY-


And yea.
48Hrs till i fly....

And I haven't started fucking packing yet.

The song that could always speak to me.
__________________________________________



Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June

We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream

And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad

When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins

Sup ya'll.
It's insane the way I sacrifice sleep to bitch about my life.

Anyhow, I bought a new "computer" today.
Well actually I bought parts from Sim Lim Sq.
I'm gonna take all them parts and assemble them when i get to Aussie.
Ha! A Pentium4 2.4Ghz processor with a MSI mother board and 512 memory card!
Yippie!
All in all it only cost me about a thousand bucks.
That my friends is cheaper than an already assembled Desk Top.
-bows- Technology. Gotta love it people.

The evening was mostly spent at the airport.
DrAkE was leaving for his Thailand detachment
and since he wouldn't have had been able to sent me off to Aussie
I decided to see him off instead.
Sure hope he'll be fine on the airplane.
And urm not come back with any genital disease not STD.



Hrmm, certainly had a fun time at the airport.
Fats, DrAkE, Sal and I basically just chilled at Starbucks
for the rest of the morning till DrAkE needed to board his flight.
I'm really gonna miss the Bugger. =/



And as I walked through the viewing gallery it suddenly occured to me
that in a couple of days time people would be seeing me off.
And I was sad.

-sigh-

My fucking student eVisa isn't even ready yet.
Heh.
So much for kangaroo efficency.
______________________________________________________

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared?
In the years to co-ome
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regret

Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Oh don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
In a year from no-ow
Maybe we’ll see eachother,
standing on the same street corner,
no regrets

Each and every end is always
written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I’d make this last

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
but don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I’ll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart
is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now
for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye
but don’t you cry
‘cause true love –never- dies

S club 7- Say Goodbye

The past two days have been great.
It certainly did take my mind off the thought of leaving for a bit.
And it allowed me to spend time with a few good friends of mine....

Dinner was fantastic last night.
There were nine of us (Tim, Fuz, Fang, Sal, Claud, Jo, Billie,Yvone and ME!)
We were suppose to head down to Swenson's at Crown Prince Hotel but
there was another group of nine (coincidentally) before us
thus ending up at MARCHE's instead (HMV one).
It was really gOod food. Good fun.
Forgot it was NON HALA though.
Urm. But Fuz did eat his fill.
Had coffee after at Mr Bean's and yea
I guess it was a nice way to end the night.
_____________________________________________________________

As for today. Didn't do anything much.
Rushed down to Plaza Singapura to have lunch with my old friend.
Apparently we were suppose to meet but I forgot..till she called me and reminded me.
Lunch was alright.
Had my Green Tea Frap at Star Bucks after. Nice and smooth.
Heh, I was thinking, imagine if someone decided to copy star bucks and coffee bean
What would the coffee be called? Star Beans? Coffee Bucks? -shurgs-
Just a thought ya.
Anyhow, went down to play touch for the last time before I leave for Australia.
And yea, as the Fat Bastard predicted, I did score a try.
By the way it was the only try in the only game we played today mind you. -proud of self-
Ha!
Okok nuff of that.
Went to watch Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines with my folks after touch.
Boy was it good. I mean, it's got the same theme as the first two (like duh) and the story line
pretty much followed on the same way (like duh again)
Only slight twist was that Arnie was funny this time. Like really funny. Not in the insulting way such as bad acting.
But the way the script was written for his character. It was really really hilarous.
Oh and you also get introduced to Claire Danes who's a really important character as well.
And damn! Kristina Loken was one hot baddie. She really does have the goods and she packed one hella punch in the movie.

Oh fuck...I is got the shitz.

Must be the hotdogs.

Damn.

I hate dentists.
All of them.
I don't care what you white teeth freaks say.
To hell with ALL of them.

I went to the dentist today.
To get my teeth cleaned.
Simple.
But NOOOOooo, the fucker had to fucking cut my lips as well.
Not once. Twice.
And to think he's a professional.
That Chaocheebaisonofadiseasedcameldentist.
I hope his balls wrinkle and drop off.


All that, and my teeth aren't whiter.

A Reflection.
Of things accomplished
Of things yet to be accomplished
Of Love/Fortune/Family/Faith/Fame

Was awake till late last night (as usual)
Figeting about in my room and on my bed.
Never really understood what missing someone or something really was about
Till i peered out of my window and actually saw stars in our sky
And then it became apparent that if i bothered to look hard enough
There are many things that are beautiful things in this world
And many more worth appreciating.

I realise that for every single complain that I make about my family
Many more families suffer a worse fate than i do
For every person that I condemn
I am no better than a hypocrite
That for any imperfection that I fuss about
There are those who wish for simplicity in life...

Maybe I've become mad from the thought of leaving
Maybe I've suddenly become an over sensitive guy (no, not GAY)
But whatever the case is...

Do take time out to reflect once in a while
And ask yourself.

What do you really want in life
And why.

____________________________________________

Miss Jones taught me English
But I think I just shot her son
Cause he owed me money
With a bullet in the chest you cannot run
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
I guess I didn't mean it but man you shoulda seen it
His flesh explode

Slow motion see me let go
We tend to die young
Slow Motion see me let go
What a brother knows
Slow Motion see me let go

Now the cops will get me
But girl if you would let me
I'll take your pants off
I got a little bit of blow we could both get off

Later bathing in the afterglow
Two lines of coke I cut with Drano
An her nose starts to bleed
A most beautiful ruby red

Slow motion see me let go
We'll remember these days
Slow motion see me let go
Urban life decays
Slow motion see me let go

And at home
My sister's eating paint chips again
Maybe that's why she's insane
I shut the door to her moaning
And I shoot smack in my veins
Wouldn't you?
See my neighbour's beating his wife
Because he hates his life
There's an arc to his fist as he swings
Oh man what a beautiful thing
And death slides close to me
Won't grow old to be
A junkie wino creep

Hollywood glamorised my wrath
I'm a young urban psychopath
I incite murder
For your entertainment
Cuz I needed the money
What's your excuse?
The jokes on you

Slow motion see me let go
Slow motion see me let go
Slow motion see me let go
_________________________________________

Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind

I can't sleep again.
Bah. What's new really.
It's been like that like...forever?
Anyway, for those of you who don't already know, I've offically disrupted for studies.
It'll prolly need some adjusting and getting use to cause no matter how much I've bitched about work I really miss the people.
Well, urm, a few of them at least.

It's about a week till I leave.
There's a very big part of me that's excited about leaving and yet there's another part of me which wants to stay.
Like I've said, I'm really going to miss everybody. Sleeping at night has become something impossible to do with ease knowing that the hours spent sleeping could have been the hours spent with people/friends/family/love ones.
It's an emotional turmoil I'm going through.

But I guess that's life. You go on. Moving through one stage to another. Becoming more familiar with life. You suddenly have more responsibilities and priorities become re-arranged. You become more moulded into that highway of maturity, comforming to the middle aged man syndrom and the entire cenacle of life. Hrm. Sounds rather morbid eHz.



Sometimes...



"Life...oh life...Oh liiffffeeeee...oh life..." /me sings

I NEED SLEEP
NUFF' SAID.